If the foundation of a relationship with a son is based on performance, we are disenfranchising them from having the skills to thrive in loving relationships.
“Traditional masculinisation teaches boys to replace inherent self worth with performance based esteem. It insists that boys disown vulnerable feelings (which could help them connect), while reinforcing their entitlement to express anger. It teaches boys to renounce their true needs in the service of achievement, and at the same time blunts their sensitivity to reading the needs of others.”
– Male Depression Expert
If performance based esteem is left unchecked it is often a common driver behind suicide.
Mentoring 7000 men has taught me that many men are primarily in relationship with their son’s performance/ achievement, and secondly in relationship with their son’s feelings. Performance based esteem and healthy esteem exist on a continuum that we live on, to thrive in life men must be mentored in this wisdom. I don’t know it all but in our relationship with our 21 year old son (pictured) my wife and I have done our best to bring him up with healthy esteem instead of performance based esteem.
What could you learn from the distilled wisdom of the 7000 men I’ve mentored?